Self talk is something emphasized by those who believe that you can control your thoughts and emotions. Mike Cernovich made mindset cool again, taking aspects and things great men like Dale Carnegie spoke of decades before and adding more to make this complicated subject more accesible. I recently used self talk on myself as I was facing a situation that was making me anxious. This situation is one that’s probably happened to at least half of the college population: feeling unprepared and scared for exams. This may sound like somethingdumb or inconsequential for many, but get back to me when you’re paying for your education with cash you’re making yourself.
So how do you apply it?
There’s different ways of applying self talk, but it’s not a difficult concept to understand and implement. Mike Cernovich cleared it up in his Free Gorilla Mindset seminar: ‘Talk to yourself as if you’re talking to a friend you care about who’s going through a rough patch’. That’s it. If this seems too easy or you have no idea how this would work in the context of real life, I’ve wrote down my exact self talk process I had recently, and how I used to defeat the crippling anxiety I felt recently. This is intensly personal, but it would be boring and fake if it wasn’t, right?
My Thought process of self talk
I first set up the frame of the conversation.
‘Treat and speak to yourself as if you’re speaking to a person you admire and care about’.
Think of a Little brother who’s a great person or a dear friend who has shown to have great skills and is a great person.
Now, through self talk, I must Idenify the real problem and why it’s making me feel how I’m feeling:
Recent example, unprepared again for an advanced calculus test, anxiety kicks in as I feel irresponsable: This leads me towards a downwards spiral, as it reminds me of the habits my past, mediocre self had, planting the doubt in my mind that I haven’t grown.
So, through positive self talk, I ask myself the following questions:
Did I fail the subect?
If I didn’t and have a solution to do the test another day, so then why am I worried? (we’re allowed one do over test with this professor’)
‘I’m worried that my mother and my classmates will think I’m irresponsible. I’m also afraid that I’m the same person as before, and that I haven’t grown’.
Then I analyzed these worrisome assertions and realized:
My classmates and acquaintances have no power over me. They will not help me if my family can’t pay rent. They won’t have me in their homes if I’m homeless. They won’t lend me money when I’m down on my luck. They also don’t determine my worth or value, as I’m smarter, better looking, more socially adept and savvy, and have a greater vision and intellectual basis then 90% of them.
I make more money, get better girls, and am better looking then most of the men. I speak two languages fluently and perfectly, and have some dominion of a third one.
Why do they have power over me?
Why does what they think matter?
I couldn’t find an answer. This anxiety then died out.
´My mother will be disappointed with me´:
My mother would be disappointed if I failed the semester. Have I failed the semester?
No I haven’t, and if I now put the work in, there is a very small chance I will fail. She doesn’t know the entire situation and only cares about my well being. She has good intentions and it’s ridiculous to let the worries of a 50 year old woman dictate how I feel, or to question my inner strength because of it.
This anxiety then disappeared.
So What’s the real problem?
The problem is due to my lack of action and past fears, I fear being in the same position I was before, by failing in uni. This would mean that I would be failing in uni, which would mean that unless I’m succeeding significantly in other aspects of life, I’ll feel like a loser. This is a status and scarcity mindset.
That anxiety has gone away since I’ve disovered that the problem was status-related.
No I have to dig deeper:
I’m not content with myself failing in a place where I can succeed and where I can be better then others. I want to show others that I’m better and that I can be more successful then them.
Now I’m getting somewhere.
So if there is a solution to my problem and not everything is lost, and I have the resources to solve the problem easily, then what is my fear? The failure to fail? There is no way I will fail if I put the work in.
What is causing my anxiety is lack of action.
But it goes deeper:
My mind is revolving around the idea of my continued self improvement. If I’m still having these issues, it may signify that I haven’t grown and am a loser. This is a valid concern.
But it’s foolish since I haven’t failed yet, and worrying about it doesn’t focus on solutions. Anything that doesn’t provide solutions or advancement must be then discarded. Feeling self pity as well as self hatred leads to nothing but, misery, despair, lack of action and failure.
Since I am not a person who is okay with that nor do I want it since I can overcome it, then self pity and self hatred is useless to me. I will only take what helps me grow and succeed, that’s my choice. This isn’t denial, since denial means there is truth that I refuse to see.
And the truth is nobody can see the future, and no one has the mind, nor the vision that I possess. Failure is a state of mind, and failure can only be accepted if I choose to do so. I have the freedom to only take in that which helps me. I have no obligation to anything else. I am responsible for my happiness, and that means being unapologetic about beliefs.
I choose in what light I see every situation: Failure or obstacle. Only I define how I feel: This means framing everything and continued positive self talk.
Is there still anxiety? Nope. It’s all gone.
Now time to start finding solutions!
This is a true personal account of mine which happened a few days ago. Anxiety is terrible as it cripples you and leads you towards negative patterns which will lead you to failure. Like Don Draper says ‘If you don’t like what’s being said, change the conversation’. This can easily be applied to mindset and self talk. I did and now I do it regularly and it works amazingly. Life’s too short to have negative limiting beliefs about yourself. Men act, and you can’t act if your mind is helpless, so you have to help it. It’s all a choice.